We're History
We're History is a song from the Horrible Histories TV series. It aired in Series 5, Episode 12 on July 16, 2013, & later in the Savage Songs Special. A charity single parody, this one huge finale song explains the whole of history. This would be the last song in the series until Season 6. Lyrics Cavewoman: Stone Age brought you speech, farms, the wheel, & fire. Caveman: Then metal was explored which meant we could make swords to kill, & build empires. Egyptian Woman: Think Ancient Egypt was nicer? Pharaoh’s tombs, lovely shrines? Egyptian Man: But some were living graves for hundreds of poor slaves & pig’s eye was our cure for the blind. Greek Man #1: Greek civilization our creation, drama, & philosophy. Greek Man #2: But Sparta praised lying; celebrated dying & Hippocrates drank wee. All: We’re History. We brought you bloodshed. Greeks: Greek excursions to battle the Persians. Egyptian Woman: Disembowelling our dead. All: Together we made the world a little bit grim. Greeks: We’re History. Cavemen: Could be fairly dim. Roman Woman: We Romans brought you roads & public medicine, Nero: Gladiator fighting, feeding men to lions, burning Christians. That kind of thing, you know. Middle Age Man: Then came the Middle Ages; Saxons, Normans, Vikings, Celts, Another Middle Age Man: A time of invasion, feudalism, famine, Black Death, buboes, & welts. Saxon: 1066 saw Harold in a fix as William conquered all. What was the bettin’ an arrow in his retina would lead to his downfall? All: We’re History. We brought invasion and strife. Viking: We attacked monasteries, said “Give us gold, please”, then we took your life. Crusader: Our crusades meant slaughter wherever we’d go. Roman Woman: We’re History Middle Age Man: Was it pretty? No. Stuarts: Tudor, Stuart, Georgian monarchs next in line Brought progress in science & art. Also, beheadings, burning, civil war Breed an economy, for a start. All: We’re History. We gave you plague & disease. Spaniard: Travelled, found the Incans, spread smallpox in a blink & brought them to their knees. Stuart Doctor: Dogs, cats, & the French blamed for plague along the way. Spaniard: We’re History. Stuart Doctor: Not such happy days. Victorian Gentleman: Victorian technology went hand-in-hand with poverty, Kids up chimneys & down mines. Improvements to the world did pick up despite some violent hiccups; Soldiers: Two World Wars, millions died. All: We’re History. Our times smelly & gory. We reigned over you & told you what to do And that is this story. Thought we were amazing though you may quibble. Saxon: We’re History & we made it horri... All: ...ble! We’re History! Cast *Martha Howe-Douglas as a Cavewoman, a Roman woman, a Stuart woman, Cleopatra *Jim Howick as a Caveman, Emperor Nero, a Crusader, a Victorian gentleman, Kaiser Wilhelm II *Sarah Hadland as an Egyptian woman *Simon Farnaby as an Egyptian man, a WWII Soldier, William the Conqueror *Ben Willbond as a Greek, a Middle Age man, a Stuart doctor *Mathew Baynton as a Greek, a Saxon, a Spanish conquistador, Tsar Nicholas II of Russia *Laurence Rickard as a Middle Age man, a Stuart gentleman, a WWII soldier *Lawry Lewin as a Viking *Dominique Moore as a Stuart woman *Alice Lowe (videos only) *Giles Terera as a 1920's black man Notes External Links *We're History at Horrible Histories TV Category:Horrible Histories Category:Horrible Histories 2009-2011 TV Series Category:Series 5 of Horrible Histories 2009-13 TV series Category:Songs Category:Savage Songs Category:Potty Pioneers (Sketches)